How to Build Better Habits Without Losing Yourself to Others

How to Build Better Habits Without Losing Yourself to Others - Photo by Ross Findon on Unsplash

We all have things in our lives we’d like to change or improve. But sometimes, without even noticing, we pick up habits that work against us. These habits can quietly pull us away from our goals, especially when we’re influenced by people around us whose ambitions are nothing like our own.

It’s easy to get swept up by a group—maybe friends, maybe colleagues—who don’t share your values or dreams. You start talking, spending time together, and before you know it, you’re doing things just to fit in. Over time, you might realize these habits are holding you back from what truly makes you happy.

One of the biggest traps is becoming a “people pleaser.” That means doing things just to make others happy, even if it doesn’t feel right for you. Maybe you help someone out, not because you want to, but because you don’t want to upset them. Often, these aren’t even people you’re close to. If someone really cares about you, they’ll understand when you say no. If they don’t, maybe they’re not the friend you thought they were. Some people just take and never give back—they’re like leeches, draining your energy and then disappearing.

You also need to watch out for how your environment shapes your habits. If you’re surrounded by people who smoke, you might find yourself smoking too. If everyone around you eats fast food, it’s harder to stick to healthy meals. As a vegetarian, I know how tough it is to eat well in a place with few vegetarian options. When your environment doesn’t support your choices, it’s easy to slip into habits that don’t serve you.

Sometimes, it’s about your daily routine. Maybe you stay up late every night and wake up late, even though you know it doesn’t make you happy. Or maybe your apartment has hardly any windows, so you never wake up to natural light. That can really affect your mood and energy. There are ways to help, like using a sunrise simulator lamp to mimic natural light in the morning. Little changes like this can make a big difference.

How to Build Better Habits Without Losing Yourself to Others - Photo by Tim Goedhart on Unsplash

Right now, I’m in Elizabeth Bay, a nice suburb in Sydney. There are lots of cafés, and the bay itself is beautiful—though you have to watch out for sharks and jellyfish if you go swimming! The weather today is grey and rainy, and you can feel how much that affects your mood. Sometimes, if you have the chance, moving to a place with better weather or a more positive vibe can really help. For example, I could go to Cairns in Queensland, where it’s warm and sunny even in winter, or even to Europe or the US, depending on the season.

The point is, your environment matters. You need to be in a place—and around people—that lift you up and help you move toward your goals. If your environment holds you back, you’ll have to work twice as hard to get where you want to go. Sure, it’s possible to succeed in a tough environment, but it’s much harder, and it can take a toll on your health and happiness.

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
—Jim Rohn

Life isn’t just about pushing yourself all the time. Yes, it’s good to challenge yourself, but you also need moments of rest and well-being. If your environment naturally supports you, you won’t have to fight so hard. That’s the real trick: set yourself up in a place that makes it easier to succeed.

You can also boost your mindset by listening to audiobooks, watching inspiring talks, or reading biographies. I love checking out the #buildinpublic hashtag on Twitter—seeing what motivated people are building gives me a push to keep going. But be careful not to fall into the trap of just consuming content and never taking action. It’s easy to spend hours watching videos or reading tweets and end up doing nothing.

The key is to use these things as triggers to get moving. If a video or a morning jog gets you in the right mood, use that energy to take action right away. Don’t just watch or read—do something with that motivation.

“The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago. The second best time is now.”
—Chinese Proverb

How to Build Better Habits Without Losing Yourself to Others - Photo by Lesly Juarez on Unsplash

So, take a moment to look at your own habits and environment. Are there things you’re doing that don’t make you happy? Are you surrounded by people who support your goals? If not, maybe it’s time to make a change.

Key Takeaways

• Harmful habits often come from your environment and the people you spend time with.
• Don’t be a people pleaser—do what makes you happy, not just what others want.
• Your environment can make or break your routines and goals.
• Use motivating content as a trigger for action, not just for passive consumption.

Action Steps

• Identify habits that don’t serve you.
• Check if your environment supports your goals.
• Surround yourself with people who lift you up.
• Use inspiration as a launchpad for real action.

Reflection

• Are your habits and environment helping or hurting your happiness?
• Who are the five people you spend the most time with?
• What’s one small change you can make today to move closer to your goals?